Printable tool

Support person checklist

A one-page printable checklist for the partner, parent, adult child, or close friend of someone with depression.

For the full article, see How to help someone with depression.

To save as PDF: click Print, then choose "Save as PDF" as the destination.

What helps

Show up. A short, consistent presence beats grand gestures.
Listen first. Ask what would help today before suggesting anything.
Take symptoms at face value. Low energy, slow mornings, and withdrawal are part of the illness.
Help with one concrete task. A meal, a ride to an appointment, a load of laundry.
Make the next appointment easier. Offer to drive, sit in the waiting room, or hold the calendar.
Keep talking about ordinary things. Depression shrinks a person's world; outside news helps.
Protect their sleep, food, and basic routines, gently.
Note what changes for the better, in writing if useful, so the person can see it.

What doesn't help

Tell the person to "snap out of it" or compare to people who have it worse.
Push positive thinking, gratitude lists, or motivational quotes as fixes.
Recommend new supplements, diets, or alternative cures without a clinician.
Take symptoms personally. Withdrawal is the illness, not a verdict on the relationship.
Make ultimatums about treatment, especially in the middle of a hard week.
Quiz the person daily about whether they feel better yet.
Drink heavily together as a coping plan. Alcohol worsens depression and sleep.
Keep secrets about active suicidal thoughts. Safety beats privacy.

How to ask about suicide directly

A four-sentence script. Asking directly doesn't put the idea in someone's head. Research has consistently shown that direct questions about suicide don't increase risk and may reduce it by opening a conversation that's already happening internally.

"You've seemed really down for the last few weeks, and you mentioned feeling like a burden."
"I want to ask you directly: are you having thoughts of suicide or of hurting yourself?"
"Are those thoughts coming with any plan, method, or access to something you could use?"
"Let's take the next step together right now: a call to 988, a call to your clinician, the emergency department, or moving something out of the home."

What to do in a crisis

Call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Veterans press 1 or text 838255.
For immediate medical danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
Stay with the person. Don't leave them alone while the crisis is active.
Reduce access to lethal means: store firearms outside the home with a trusted person or a gun shop that accepts holds, lock medications, remove unused pills.

Lethal means counseling

Putting time and distance between a person in crisis and a method is the single best-studied step in suicide prevention. Most suicidal crises last hours, not weeks, and method substitution is far less common than people expect. Removing a firearm from the home during a crisis period, or locking and reducing a medication stockpile, can be the action that saves a life. This is known as Counseling on Access to Lethal Means (CALM) and is supported by the Suicide Prevention Resource Center and the VA/DoD clinical guideline on suicide risk.

How to encourage treatment without pushing

Name what you see, without diagnosis. "You've seemed really worn out the last few weeks. I'm worried."
Offer a small, specific next step. "I could sit with you while you call your primary care office tomorrow morning."
Lower the threshold. The first visit can be primary care; psychiatry can wait until that visit suggests it.
Help find a clinician. Offer to look up two or three names from the insurance directory, or to make the calls.
Stay on the team after treatment starts. The first six to eight weeks of any new medication are the hardest part of an antidepressant trial.

Self-care for the support person

Keep your own routines: sleep, food, movement, and at least one weekly social anchor.
Protect one part of the week that isn't about the person who is unwell.
Have at least one person you can talk to about how this is affecting you.
Notice your own warning signs (sleep loss, irritability, drinking more, isolating) and act early.
Build a list of two or three things that reliably reset you, and use them on schedule, not only when in crisis.

When professional help for yourself is appropriate

Supporting someone through a depressive episode is a real load. Talking to a therapist is appropriate when your own sleep is suffering for more than a couple of weeks, when you've begun to drink more or withdraw from your own friends, when you feel resentment or hopelessness building, when you're having your own depressive or suicidal thoughts, or when the relationship is starting to feel unsafe in any way. A therapist who works with caregivers and families can help you stay in the role without losing your own footing.

Sources

Dazzi T, Gribble R, Wessely S, Fear NT. Does asking about suicide and related behaviours induce suicidal ideation? Psychol Med. 2014.
Stanley B, et al. Comparison of the Safety Planning Intervention With Follow-up vs Usual Care. JAMA Psychiatry. 2018.
Suicide Prevention Resource Center. Counseling on Access to Lethal Means (CALM). sprc.org.
VA/DoD Clinical Practice Guideline for the Assessment and Management of Patients at Risk for Suicide. 2024.

Reviewed by Shariq Refai, MD, MBA. Last reviewed March 15, 2026.